At some point in my life, I knew I wanted to have a family. I also knew I wanted to be a working mom.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a husband that I could cook for, two kids that I would breastfeed, directly from my mammary gland, for two years (while still retaining my perky perks I might add), take to soccer practices, and play dress up with because I was obvi going to have girls. I also wanted to work 24\7 at a job that I loved to hate and hated to love. So basically, I wanted to work round the clock, cook for my husband every night, be and do everything for kids, sit at the table for dinner every night… you get my drift.
Alas, my life is not a Hollywood movie and to my dismay, I have to admit, I could not have it all. I wish I could. I really wanted to. If for nothing else, for the #gram. The millennial in me wants to be, sooo very badly, a boss lady, a boss mom, a boss wife, a boss everything, until my knees buckle and I keel over. It immensely sucks that my little 105-pound body can’t make this wildly unreal life I have managed to concoct for myself happen. I feel shame (and guilt) half of the time, exhausted the other half to feel anything at all.
So, the truth is, I cook dinner some nights, but other nights, Garrett (my husband) is happy to eat a cheese salad, drenched in olive juice. God bless his heart! We very seldomly eat dinner at the dinner table. Garrett mostly eats his dinner, and breakfast really, standing over the kitchen sink (I kid you not), and I eat my dinner way before he gets home because corporate America sucks and I am too tired to wait for him to get home.
I don’t feed my son directly from my mammary gland. Oh, and by the way, I have a boy child. Not a girl. Because, who knew it was totally not up to you what gender your offspring turned out to be? Not me! Anyway, so instead of nurse, I pump, then feed from a bottle. And, you guessed it, my breasts are shot! I am only through the first 10 months of my first child, mind you. So yeah, there’s that.
Oh, and by the way, when I wanted to be a working mom?, you know, job I loved to hate, hate to love, yada yada… well, I didn’t realize that it would mean having someone else, in my case, daycare, watch and care for my child from about 8-5:30 every day. I didn’t realize the sheer will it took to not be bothered by the many, MANY, uncomfortable things that come with daycare. I was weak. So totally not a boss move!
I am a Millennial, and I cannot have it all. Not at the same time, not right now! Oh, and i have come to accept that it’s absolutely okay 😊
How is your life different from what you pictured as a teenager? Different? The same? Let me know in the comments or shoot me an email, I would love to hear how imperfectly perfect you are! ❤️